I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Randomize
