I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
