Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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