i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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