I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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