the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
