She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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