47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
