hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
