i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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