why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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