Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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