It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Operation Purity has been aborted
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
