What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
