The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
