It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
