i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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