i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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