Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
