summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
