I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
