some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
