the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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