I can't watch pbs sober anymore
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
