my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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