That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
