I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
