Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
