so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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