I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
