My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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