I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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