I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
