My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
