just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
