either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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