ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
