i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
