the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
