You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
