I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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