Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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