after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
