yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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