tell your sister to shave her snatch
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
