i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
