I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
