she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
