the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
