you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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