He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
