I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You made out with two different species that night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
