Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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