I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
