Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
