hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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