We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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