I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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