I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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