U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
