I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
