"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm passing your future prison.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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