can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
