Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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