If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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