I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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